Saturday, May 24, 2008

"I Can Only Imagine"

About 2 months ago I was in church and there was a special song "I Can Only Imagine" You know the song..."I can only imagine.....will I dance before you Jesus, or in Awe of you be still"...there was a video with it, of a man in a nursing home, in a wheelchair, not being able to walk, remembering his wife, holding his picture to his heart. Well during that wonderful song, I broke down hard, crying in church, very emotional...I don't always break down like that, but that day, I did. The video ended with the man dying, and going home to heaven, seeing his wife again, and standing up praising GOD!!! The song reminded me of my Dad. At that time Dad was OK, but he was ailing. It was about 2 weeks before Dad's accident. I think the Lord was prompting my heart for what was to come. And just like the song, in my Dad's last days, he was in a nursing home, in a wheelchair, not able to walk. I feel like I've become very "in tune" with the Lord over these past weeks. With my Dad's accident, I've been crying out to the Lord, asking for wisdom, and help for Dad, and especially Mom. I feel the Lord allowed this accident to happen so we (my brother, sister, mom, my hubby) would "love on" Dad so much. The past couple of years have been very hard for us. Dad hasn't been the same man, and he has changed. His health has gone down hill, and his attitude as well....not to mention all of ours, we were all so frustrated with Dad. He was sick, and didn't want any help. So, during Dad's time in the hospital, I've been by his bedside, loving on him, praying with him, encouraging him, reading scripture, kissing his face. Doing all the things I was suppose to be doing, when Dad was OK. And I had 3 full weeks with Dad, telling him how much I loved him, showing all MY appreciation towards him....just loving on him. The day before Dad died, he told my mother, brother, and sister that he was dying.....of course they wouldn't believe him, he was really doing good. I didn't go to the nursing home that day...the next day I went, and Dad NEVER told me he was dying. I told him I loved him when I saw him, and he told me I was "so sweet". I'm grateful Dad never told me he was "dying".....I really think he knew he would hurt his "baby's" heart......he remember how I would just cry at his bedside. Just before Dad died, he told us all that he loved us. Then he was gone. Dad died, and now he is dancing before my Lord - I do believe MY DAD IS DANCING BEFORE THE LORD!!!!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

My Daddy Died

Well, it's been a while....long while since I've written. The past month has been a very hard one for me, and my family. My daddy fell down the cellar stairs, in his new home. Mom heard the whole thing, went running to see him laying there, eyes open at the bottom of the stairs. She thought Dad was dead, but he was ALIVE! So, Dad has been in ICU at Leigh High Valley Cedar Crest for the past 3 weeks. He was hurt - 8 broken ribs, fractured vertebrae in his neck, a head bleed...but he was alive. So, we thought the worse was over......Dad couldn't breath, so a ventilator was put down his throat for 5 days. Just seeing him laying there with tubes down his throat was awful for me, and awful for Dad! I cried at his bedside so much....telling him I love him, and Dad would then squeeze my hand. He was doing great, so the ventilator came off. I sang to him, prayed with him....oh how I love my Daddy so! So, then Dad was doing so good he was transferred to a nursing home/rehab here in NJ. He was doing so good, starting taking steps, talking, eating on his own...we were so hopeful. I went to the nursing home this past Monday, and Dad wasn't doing well. He was in so much pain...crying out in pain. The nurse was a dizzy old lady, not wanting to help him. I was confused and worried over him, crying all day long....asking the Lord for wisdom. Dad went to therapy, he came back a different man.....humming with his hands clenched, he wasn't there. I asked what happened to him, no one said anything. We had to get him out of there, no one would help us, they only said Dad was sleeping!!! No doctor came in. We rushed him to the ER, and all the tests came back heart attack, no stroke, head bleed was still healed, but his pneumonia was still there, but it would be treated, and all would be okay. We went to dinner, Dad was fine. Came back, he was up, talking, trying to get that monitor off his finger, his eyes were open for the first time all day! we told him we loved him. Lois left, mom and me stayed. I was just about to leave, said my good bye and see you tomorrow, Mom was going to leave too, then Dad had a seizure. Then he had 5 more of them!!!! He was in grave condition, but still I didn't think he was going to DIE!! The curtain to his ER room was closed, we were out talking to the doctor. I went in to see Dad, and his blood pressure was so low, hardly breathing. I asked the nurse if he was OK, she said, "he's going!" WHAT? Mom came in and started weeping, I was weeping. The nurses told us to talk to him, that he still could hear us. We told him we loved him, and then I got right in front of his face and told my Dad that it was okay to go, go be with Jesus, Uncle Fred, Uncle Clarence, Aunt Frances, Bro. Hock, Grandma and Grandpa...what a smile he peaceful. What a moment I had with my Dad. I was always the baby of the family...felt like Dad treated me still like a five year old. His baby was with him when he died....encouraging him to go, and be with Jesus, that everything here will be fine, that I will take care of Mom, and that I loved him, and that he was the best daddy in the whole world. Daddy died on Monday night, 9:15pm. I love him so....and I will miss him forever.