Sunday, June 29, 2008

Anxious All the Time

Hi, well it's Sunday evening, and my hubby had to go in to work for overtime. He hasn't done much overtime lately, so when he's called, he goes.....overtime is very rare at his job now for the past 4 years, and we really could use the money with the gas, and food prices these days. So, my day was just ok, and boring! We skipped church this morning...I know, we shouldn't have, but hubby had to leave by 1pm, and he really needed a morning to relax, he has a very demanding job, and a very long drive - today it was 2 hours each way!!! So, we had a relaxing breakfast, then decided to go in the pool. The sun was out when we first went in, then the clouds came, and the water was only 80 degrees, and it was chilly for me. So, I got out and decided to weed my veggie garden. It's doing so good, we got lettuce growing, 4 different kinds. I picked some for our lunch, and had to really wash it, 3 times I might add. So, we had lunch and then hubby got ready and had to leave. I don't enjoy Sunday's without my hubby. It's a family day, and we usually do something, including a full morning of church and then sunday school. So, it started to rain, and Davey was watching one of his "Batman" tapes, so I decided to go quietly into my bedroom and read my book. I'm reading the Beverly Lewis series, "Abrams Daughters"....I'm finally on the 5th, and final's very good. But my little guy wouldn't leave me alone....oh well.....
I've been so anxious these days....not myself. I'm anxious about the weather, thunderstorms are the worse. I hate them! I use to love them when we lived in the city, but ever since moving up here....we get thunderstorms very bad and often. The wind blows, the trees bend....afraid the trees will fall on our home or pool or deck. It has happened before. When we first moved in 8 years ago, a storm was coming and the wind was blowing something, and then, 3 trees fell on our house in the back. Becca was only 3 and we ran to her, thinking she was in the back. But the Lord protected her, and there was no damage to our home, thank God!!! Then 4 years ago, when Davey was a baby, 3 more trees fell on our deck....again no damage, thank God, but I was frightened, yet again. So, now when the forcast calls for "severe weather", Liz runs to the computer or t.v. - goes directly to the weather channel/ and finds where the severe weather is. Not to mention our power goes out all the time when we have a thunderstorm. About 4 years ago, our power went out all the time, and we can't use the bathroom, water, lights, you name it. The food in our deep freezer and refrigerator will go bad, and it has! So, my hubby got us a generator. What a wonderful thing! We have used it now several times - when the whole block is out, our house is lit up!!! Thank you hubby!!!!! Anyway, I'm anxious about the weather, and I'm anxious about a lot of things lately - the little things, like ants on the deck...there can't be one ant on our deck, I will get up and start spraying - I'm hardly ever anxious about money, gave that up years ago - and I'll let my hubby worry about that stuff...he never worries about the little stuff like I do.... The Lord has been faithful, and I've learned to trust in Him to meet our financial needs, then why can't I give the "small stuff" to my Lord? Yes I will blame it on my Dad's death....why not! I worried about Dad when he was in the hospital day and night. I would lay awake at night worrying about him, during the day, at his bedside, worried..I had dreams of Dad falling down those stairs, over and over again... and then waking up in a sweat!!! Now all I can think about is Dad in heaven. Is he really in heaven? Of course he's in heaven!!! What is he doing in heaven? Is he ok in heaven? Everything going ok for him in heaven? Thinking about his needs in heaven....does he have needs in heaven? No, he shouldn't have any needs in heaven, they all should be met!!!! His body is in the ground....we left him in the cemetary in the ground, who will take care of him? I know he's with the Lord, worshipping our Lord, happy, he can see again, walk again.....but then why am I driving myself crazy? My Dad was an anxious man in his latter years...worrying all the time about this and that. My heart races most of the time, trying to get stuff done....the pool wasn't working right when we opened it....I had to get it fixed ASAP, the water levels weren't working, I became very anxious about that......I still am. Gotta get the laundry done, fold it, put it all away, hurry, gotta get it all done. Gotta get the dinner dishes done, clean up the kitchen, and the list goes on. I never take the time to "smell the roses"....... I think it's because it never goes away, the daily work us Mom's do......but I'm trying to give it all to the Lord......"be anxious for nothing......." I'm trying......Lord help me to give it all to you, and not be anxious about my daily life...especially when the thunder clouds roll in, I will trust in YOU, and in YOU alone!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Not Much to Say Lately

Well, it's been 2 weeks since I've blogged. I really don't have much to say about life lately. I've been kind of in a fog lately. I've been missing my Daddy very much. Just thinking about the night he died - it was like a dream....he went so fast, hard to believe he's gone. We went to my Mom's new house this past week. It was very nice. She made one of my favorites, Pizza!!! The house is quiet, I think it still smells like Dad, even though he only lived there 1 week before his accident. Mom seems to be doing ok....but it's sad cause Daddy would have loved living there, being so close to my sister and kids......I went immediately to his closet, to see his stuff. Mom said I could take some shirts for my hubby, I did. Along with his leather gloves, and some ties. I took Dad's shoe stretchers for my BIG FEET!!! It was funny I have a size 13 foot, big, yes, but it's the same size as my Dad's. When I was younger, I would put Dad's black shoes on and walk around the house, being funny!!!! Daddy would laugh, and say "Lizabeth don't out-stretch my shoes!!!!" I think about Daddy almost all day, in the back of my mind. I wake up in the early morning, my mind goes to him, in the late night when I can't sleep, my mind goes to him. I know I'm grieving - this is grieving. But I feel badly about the way I treated Daddy in the last years. I loved him but grew very frustrated with him. When he would call here, I would say, "oh no, it's Dad calling!" And sometimes I acted like I was too busy for him....I was sometimes. I feel badly for it, and just wish I was different. I remember the day I went over to their old house, Dad was giving me his old bookcase, and Mom was in the process of packing, everything was in boxes. We went over and Mom told me they're not moving on April 21st now, because Dad wanted to wait until the summer - she was upset and frustrated with Dad. Well, I really gave it to him. I yelled at him telling him how could he do this to Mom after she has packed everything up......I was really mean and LOUD!!! Now I'm regretting it all, and thinking if I wouldn't have made such a big terrible fuss that day, they wouldn't have moved on April 21st, and Dad wouldn't have fallen down the stairs on April 29th, and then of course Dad wouldn't have died on May 19th......Yes, I know our Lord is loving, and everything is in HIS time, but I'm thinking...."what if" and beating myself up about it - and it just makes me sad.

But life goes on for me..... life here at home has been very busy for me. Getting the pool in order, what a job this year! Then planting all my flowers, and taking care of them. It seems that Summer is suppose to be quiet, and lazy, "lazy days of summer" - not for me. I have 2 kids who never want to stop. And a hubby who sleeps during the day....he works nights. And when he's off, we don't stop doing our chores, or projects around the house. So, life here is very interesting, and busy! David painted the deck last Tuesday, it looks really nice. A pretty red - matches everything. I think the deck looks brand's an old deck, and we really need to build a new one very soon. Becca did very well on her final report card this year. All A's and 2 B's.....High Honor Roll - AGAIN!!!! She couldn't wait until school was over. She really was dragging the last month of school, not wanting to study or do schoolwork. Who could blame her? She wanted to come right home and then right back outside to play with her friends. Davey is batman now - everyday he wakes up, puts on his batman suit - oh excuse me, I meant to say "uniform" - yes that's what he calls it, a uniform, just like his Daddy's uniform, no my hubby isn't batman (ha), but he wear a uniform, but not a batman uniform - you all know what kind of uniform my hubby wears. Davey runs around outside being batman to everyone, goes to the stores as batman, jumps off the furniture, he's so cute!! Until next time....

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Do My Kids Really Have to Grow Up?

Well today is Saturday, and I thought I would get up early, and post another blog before the kids get up. I don't have time for much lately. Those of you with kids understand what I'm saying. Becca is 11 now, and my time with her is limited since she's in school, and then has to rush home, and then "hang out" with her "friends". I remember hanging out with "friends" when I was only 13 or so....not 11. At least she's hanging out here in our yard, or pool, and not anywhere else. I miss those days when Becca would be by my side, doing stuff with me. We would go in the pool, and play "I spy", or just watch a movie, or go outside and play ball with Daddy. She was the joy of my life back she is still the joy of my life, but sometimes a big pain in the butt, if I can say such a terrible thing about my little girl. She is changing, getting so tall, beautiful, and with some attitude. I don't like going into the teenage years with her. I know all will be well, if I continue to do what I'm doing, praying over her, and watching her like a hawk, making sure everything is appropriate, reading her old text messages, going through her drawers, reading those little notes from her friends, going through her notebooks, and of course her purse - I do this all behind her back....otherwise she would be so upset with me.....keep it in the vault, please. I know you all think I'm awful....but this is what we have to do, just to make sure our children aren't getting into trouble, and not doing those awful things we can only hope they never will do. The good thing is, Becca tells me everything. She tells me what boy she likes, yes, she is starting to like boys!!! She tells me when something is wrong, or she did something wrong. This is GOOD!!! This is the reason why we planned for me to stay home. Yes, our kids need us when they are little, but then they grow up, and guess what, those teenagers really NEED US!!! I believe the most important age to be there for your kids is when they are teenagers! When they come home from school, they can get into so much trouble if mom or dad aren't home. Know your kids friends, who they hang out with...invite those kids into your home. I want my kids here where I can watch them, and be involved....believe me, I give Becca space, but I'm always close by to check and see if all is ok. Anyway, enough about that!

Davey on other hand won't leave me alone. I know, I know enjoy it all now. Believe me I do. My little boy is so full of life, he is such a BOY!!! He loves playing with me in the pool, helps me water at night. Loves putting his Batman or Spiderman outfit on, and runs around saving people.....and just loves running after the bunnies, turtles, or snakes in our yard....yep, we have all that here!!!! Last night we had 2 turtles in our yard...then we saw a snake. The kids were so excited. Becca was afraid the snake would eat the turtle...could that happen with its hard shell? Not sure...but she was so protective over the turtles. Becca wants to be a vet when she's older. We encourage her! She is in high math now for the past 4 years - believe me, I can't help her with math anymore! She's been on the high honor roll now this whole year at school. She really enjoys school and her classes....she loves animals, we use to call her "Dora the Explorer!" I still love seeing that little child in her caring over animals, like last night with the turtles. I know the Lord will bless Becca, and she will grow into a lovely young lady - it will happen very soon, life goes past us so fast. Pray for your kids everyday. Our Lord hears our crys and prayers. He will bless Becca and Davey, and He will bless your children as well.....and calm my mothering heart!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Summer is finally here!

Well I'm back. It's been a tough 6 weeks for me. With my Dad's accident, and now his death. Didn't think I would take it all so hard. But it has completely ROCKED MY WORLD!!! Life here is getting pretty much back to normal. I think about my Daddy so much. What he would be doing now. I went back to his old house - the one they left to move to PA. It was so sad going there, seeing the chair he use to sit in...the house still smells like Dad's aftershave. I have never lost anyone so close to me....and this has been very hard on me. My mom seems to be doing well. She's keeping herself very busy at the new house in PA, gardening, and decorating the house. I asked her if she likes living there, and she said she "loves living here!" I was relieved! She is going to my sister's church, and doing stuff with them. She needs that. Olivia, my sister's 14 year old daughter mows Mom's lawn, and then goes into Mom's house for snacks...Mom loves that!!!!

So, anyway, getting back to normal has been good. We opened our pool last week. What a problem it was this year! I took the cover off, couldn't wait for my hubby this year, and 1/4 of the water was gone. We didn't have a leak, but the skimmer was cracked, so a lot of the water leaked through that. Then we had this terrible algae problem. It took me so many shock treatments, not to mention ALOT OF MONEY, to finally get a chlorine reading! I put my heart and soul into this pool, we love our pool, we got it 2 years ago - and we spend all our time in there when it's hot, like it is today. But I tell you, last week I wanted to burn that pool down!!! Well the pool is beautiful now. We had our friends over yesterday for a bar-b-que - and the kids swam, and had such a great time. I prayed about the pool, asked the Lord for wisdom, and of course my Lord even cares about the "little stuff" and answered my prayer - all is well. So, today is hot and we'll swim in the afternoon.

I just came in from gardening. I love to garden, and I do think I'm good at it, I take after my father, he was a good gardener too! So, all the flowers are in, and the baskets are hanging, and the pots are full with blooming, beautiful flowers. My deck is loaded with pots, and looks so pretty. We planted a veggie garden this year too, lettuce, cucs, onions, tomatoes, zucchini, and peppers. We have those terrible gypsy moths this year. They are eating at our trees in the back, munching on all the leaves, and the chewed up leaves are falling on my deck. I hate it cause then I have to sweep all the time...hate any kind of debris on my deck. And of course they fall into the pool too, so more cleaning for me! But I'm ready for Summer...we love summer. The kids will be out of school in 2 weeks....Becca will be going into 7th grade, and Davey will be promoted to his second year in preschool..they are growing so fast, and I do get sad about that. So, happy Summer, just wish my Dad was here, sitting on the deck swing, petting my dog Perdie, and annoying me...oh how I wish my Dad was here annoying me today!