Sunday, June 29, 2008

Anxious All the Time

Hi, well it's Sunday evening, and my hubby had to go in to work for overtime. He hasn't done much overtime lately, so when he's called, he goes.....overtime is very rare at his job now for the past 4 years, and we really could use the money with the gas, and food prices these days. So, my day was just ok, and boring! We skipped church this morning...I know, we shouldn't have, but hubby had to leave by 1pm, and he really needed a morning to relax, he has a very demanding job, and a very long drive - today it was 2 hours each way!!! So, we had a relaxing breakfast, then decided to go in the pool. The sun was out when we first went in, then the clouds came, and the water was only 80 degrees, and it was chilly for me. So, I got out and decided to weed my veggie garden. It's doing so good, we got lettuce growing, 4 different kinds. I picked some for our lunch, and had to really wash it, 3 times I might add. So, we had lunch and then hubby got ready and had to leave. I don't enjoy Sunday's without my hubby. It's a family day, and we usually do something, including a full morning of church and then sunday school. So, it started to rain, and Davey was watching one of his "Batman" tapes, so I decided to go quietly into my bedroom and read my book. I'm reading the Beverly Lewis series, "Abrams Daughters"....I'm finally on the 5th, and final's very good. But my little guy wouldn't leave me alone....oh well.....
I've been so anxious these days....not myself. I'm anxious about the weather, thunderstorms are the worse. I hate them! I use to love them when we lived in the city, but ever since moving up here....we get thunderstorms very bad and often. The wind blows, the trees bend....afraid the trees will fall on our home or pool or deck. It has happened before. When we first moved in 8 years ago, a storm was coming and the wind was blowing something, and then, 3 trees fell on our house in the back. Becca was only 3 and we ran to her, thinking she was in the back. But the Lord protected her, and there was no damage to our home, thank God!!! Then 4 years ago, when Davey was a baby, 3 more trees fell on our deck....again no damage, thank God, but I was frightened, yet again. So, now when the forcast calls for "severe weather", Liz runs to the computer or t.v. - goes directly to the weather channel/ and finds where the severe weather is. Not to mention our power goes out all the time when we have a thunderstorm. About 4 years ago, our power went out all the time, and we can't use the bathroom, water, lights, you name it. The food in our deep freezer and refrigerator will go bad, and it has! So, my hubby got us a generator. What a wonderful thing! We have used it now several times - when the whole block is out, our house is lit up!!! Thank you hubby!!!!! Anyway, I'm anxious about the weather, and I'm anxious about a lot of things lately - the little things, like ants on the deck...there can't be one ant on our deck, I will get up and start spraying - I'm hardly ever anxious about money, gave that up years ago - and I'll let my hubby worry about that stuff...he never worries about the little stuff like I do.... The Lord has been faithful, and I've learned to trust in Him to meet our financial needs, then why can't I give the "small stuff" to my Lord? Yes I will blame it on my Dad's death....why not! I worried about Dad when he was in the hospital day and night. I would lay awake at night worrying about him, during the day, at his bedside, worried..I had dreams of Dad falling down those stairs, over and over again... and then waking up in a sweat!!! Now all I can think about is Dad in heaven. Is he really in heaven? Of course he's in heaven!!! What is he doing in heaven? Is he ok in heaven? Everything going ok for him in heaven? Thinking about his needs in heaven....does he have needs in heaven? No, he shouldn't have any needs in heaven, they all should be met!!!! His body is in the ground....we left him in the cemetary in the ground, who will take care of him? I know he's with the Lord, worshipping our Lord, happy, he can see again, walk again.....but then why am I driving myself crazy? My Dad was an anxious man in his latter years...worrying all the time about this and that. My heart races most of the time, trying to get stuff done....the pool wasn't working right when we opened it....I had to get it fixed ASAP, the water levels weren't working, I became very anxious about that......I still am. Gotta get the laundry done, fold it, put it all away, hurry, gotta get it all done. Gotta get the dinner dishes done, clean up the kitchen, and the list goes on. I never take the time to "smell the roses"....... I think it's because it never goes away, the daily work us Mom's do......but I'm trying to give it all to the Lord......"be anxious for nothing......." I'm trying......Lord help me to give it all to you, and not be anxious about my daily life...especially when the thunder clouds roll in, I will trust in YOU, and in YOU alone!


Jen said...

Liz, I'm so sorry. Our minds can be our worst enemies sometimes. I posted a song for you on my blog, sin I'm not sure I can do that in a comment.

I'll be praying for you.

Jen said...

oops, I mean "since I'm not sure" not "sin..."

Bill's Blog said...

Brother Bill here:
Hi Liz, all these things that you are anxious about seem like normal everyday stuff. Well I'm not sure about wiping out the entire ant colony but otherwise normal stuff that we all do. I wish I had more time to do these things, because usually working with my hands calms me down and gives me some peace.
You might try some music to relax you. Put on your favorite music at night or buy an ipod and listen to it. It helps me.
Each night after work I go downstairs and put on some relaxing music, it drives my family nuts, but it helps me shut my brain off for awhile. Give it a try.
Hey, looking forward to having some of your fresh garden veggies this weekend. :)