Anxious All the Time

Hi, well it's Sunday evening, and my hubby had to go in to work for overtime. He hasn't done much overtime lately, so when he's called, he goes.....overtime is very rare at his job now for the past 4 years, and we really could use the money with the gas, and food prices these days. So, my day was just ok, and boring! We skipped church this morning...I know, we shouldn't have, but hubby had to leave by 1pm, and he really needed a morning to relax, he has a very demanding job, and a very long drive - today it was 2 hours each way!!! So, we had a relaxing breakfast, then decided to go in the pool. The sun was out when we first went in, then the clouds came, and the water was only 80 degrees, and it was chilly for me. So, I got out and decided to weed my veggie garden. It's doing so good, we got lettuce growing, 4 different kinds. I picked some for our lunch, and had to really wash it, 3 times I might add. So, we had lunch and then hubby got ready and had to leave. I don't enjoy Sunday's without my hubby. It's a family day, and we usually do something, including a full morning of church and then sunday school. So, it started to rain, and Davey was watching one of his "Batman" tapes, so I decided to go quietly into my bedroom and read my book. I'm reading the Beverly Lewis series, "Abrams Daughters"....I'm finally on the 5th, and final book......it's very good. But my little guy wouldn't leave me alone....oh well.....
I've been so anxious these days....not myself. I'm anxious about the weather, thunderstorms are the worse. I hate them! I use to love them when we lived in the city, but ever since moving up here....we get thunderstorms very bad and often. The wind blows, the trees bend....afraid the trees will fall on our home or pool or deck. It has happened before. When we first moved in 8 years ago, a storm was coming and the wind was blowing something, and then, 3 trees fell on our house in the back. Becca was only 3 and we ran to her, thinking she was in the back. But the Lord protected her, and there was no damage to our home, thank God!!! Then 4 years ago, when Davey was a baby, 3 more trees fell on our deck....again no damage, thank God, but I was frightened, yet again. So, now when the forcast calls for "severe weather", Liz runs to the computer or t.v. - goes directly to the weather channel/weather.com and finds where the severe weather is. Not to mention our power goes out all the time when we have a thunderstorm. About 4 years ago, our power went out all the time, and we can't use the bathroom, water, lights, you name it. The food in our deep freezer and refrigerator will go bad, and it has! So, my hubby got us a generator. What a wonderful thing! We have used it now several times - when the whole block is out, our house is lit up!!! Thank you hubby!!!!! Anyway, I'm anxious about the weather, and I'm anxious about a lot of things lately - the little things, like ants on the deck...there can't be one ant on our deck, I will get up and start spraying - I'm hardly ever anxious about money, gave that up years ago - and I'll let my hubby worry about that stuff...he never worries about the little stuff like I do.... The Lord has been faithful, and I've learned to trust in Him to meet our financial needs, then why can't I give the "small stuff" to my Lord? Yes I will blame it on my Dad's death....why not! I worried about Dad when he was in the hospital day and night. I would lay awake at night worrying about him, during the day, at his bedside, worried..I had dreams of Dad falling down those stairs, over and over again... and then waking up in a sweat!!! Now all I can think about is Dad in heaven. Is he really in heaven? Of course he's in heaven!!! What is he doing in heaven? Is he ok in heaven? Everything going ok for him in heaven? Thinking about his needs in heaven....does he have needs in heaven? No, he shouldn't have any needs in heaven, they all should be met!!!! His body is in the ground....we left him in the cemetary in the ground, who will take care of him? I know he's with the Lord, worshipping our Lord, happy, he can see again, walk again.....but then why am I driving myself crazy? My Dad was an anxious man in his latter years...worrying all the time about this and that. My heart races most of the time, trying to get stuff done....the pool wasn't working right when we opened it....I had to get it fixed ASAP, the water levels weren't working, I became very anxious about that......I still am. Gotta get the laundry done, fold it, put it all away, hurry, gotta get it all done. Gotta get the dinner dishes done, clean up the kitchen, and the list goes on. I never take the time to "smell the roses"....... I think it's because it never goes away, the daily work us Mom's do......but I'm trying to give it all to the Lord......"be anxious for nothing......." I'm trying......Lord help me to give it all to you, and not be anxious about my daily life...especially when the thunder clouds roll in, I will trust in YOU, and in YOU alone!

Not Much to Say Lately

Well, it's been 2 weeks since I've blogged. I really don't have much to say about life lately. I've been kind of in a fog lately. I've been missing my Daddy very much. Just thinking about the night he died - it was like a dream....he went so fast, hard to believe he's gone. We went to my Mom's new house this past week. It was very nice. She made one of my favorites, Pizza!!! The house is quiet, I think it still smells like Dad, even though he only lived there 1 week before his accident. Mom seems to be doing ok....but it's sad cause Daddy would have loved living there, being so close to my sister and kids......I went immediately to his closet, to see his stuff. Mom said I could take some shirts for my hubby, I did. Along with his leather gloves, and some ties. I took Dad's shoe stretchers for my BIG FEET!!! It was funny I have a size 13 foot, big, yes, but it's the same size as my Dad's. When I was younger, I would put Dad's black shoes on and walk around the house, being funny!!!! Daddy would laugh, and say "Lizabeth don't out-stretch my shoes!!!!" I think about Daddy almost all day, in the back of my mind. I wake up in the early morning, my mind goes to him, in the late night when I can't sleep, my mind goes to him. I know I'm grieving - this is grieving. But I feel badly about the way I treated Daddy in the last years. I loved him but grew very frustrated with him. When he would call here, I would say, "oh no, it's Dad calling!" And sometimes I acted like I was too busy for him....I was sometimes. I feel badly for it, and just wish I was different. I remember the day I went over to their old house, Dad was giving me his old bookcase, and Mom was in the process of packing, everything was in boxes. We went over and Mom told me they're not moving on April 21st now, because Dad wanted to wait until the summer - she was upset and frustrated with Dad. Well, I really gave it to him. I yelled at him telling him how could he do this to Mom after she has packed everything up......I was really mean and LOUD!!! Now I'm regretting it all, and thinking if I wouldn't have made such a big terrible fuss that day, they wouldn't have moved on April 21st, and Dad wouldn't have fallen down the stairs on April 29th, and then of course Dad wouldn't have died on May 19th......Yes, I know our Lord is loving, and everything is in HIS time, but I'm thinking...."what if" and beating myself up about it - and it just makes me sad.

But life goes on for me..... life here at home has been very busy for me. Getting the pool in order, what a job this year! Then planting all my flowers, and taking care of them. It seems that Summer is suppose to be quiet, and lazy, "lazy days of summer" - not for me. I have 2 kids who never want to stop. And a hubby who sleeps during the day....he works nights. And when he's off, we don't stop doing our chores, or projects around the house. So, life here is very interesting, and busy! David painted the deck last Tuesday, it looks really nice. A pretty red - matches everything. I think the deck looks brand new...it's an old deck, and we really need to build a new one very soon. Becca did very well on her final report card this year. All A's and 2 B's.....High Honor Roll - AGAIN!!!! She couldn't wait until school was over. She really was dragging the last month of school, not wanting to study or do schoolwork. Who could blame her? She wanted to come right home and then right back outside to play with her friends. Davey is batman now - everyday he wakes up, puts on his batman suit - oh excuse me, I meant to say "uniform" - yes that's what he calls it, a uniform, just like his Daddy's uniform, no my hubby isn't batman (ha), but he wear a uniform, but not a batman uniform - you all know what kind of uniform my hubby wears. Davey runs around outside being batman to everyone, goes to the stores as batman, jumps off the furniture, he's so cute!! Until next time....

Do My Kids Really Have to Grow Up?

Well today is Saturday, and I thought I would get up early, and post another blog before the kids get up. I don't have time for much lately. Those of you with kids understand what I'm saying. Becca is 11 now, and my time with her is limited since she's in school, and then has to rush home, and then "hang out" with her "friends". I remember hanging out with "friends" when I was only 13 or so....not 11. At least she's hanging out here in our yard, or pool, and not anywhere else. I miss those days when Becca would be by my side, doing stuff with me. We would go in the pool, and play "I spy", or just watch a movie, or go outside and play ball with Daddy. She was the joy of my life back then....now she is still the joy of my life, but sometimes a big pain in the butt, if I can say such a terrible thing about my little girl. She is changing, getting so tall, beautiful, and with some attitude. I don't like going into the teenage years with her. I know all will be well, if I continue to do what I'm doing, praying over her, and watching her like a hawk, making sure everything is appropriate, reading her old text messages, going through her drawers, reading those little notes from her friends, going through her notebooks, and of course her purse - I do this all behind her back....otherwise she would be so upset with me.....keep it in the vault, please. I know you all think I'm awful....but this is what we have to do, just to make sure our children aren't getting into trouble, and not doing those awful things we can only hope they never will do. The good thing is, Becca tells me everything. She tells me what boy she likes, yes, she is starting to like boys!!! She tells me when something is wrong, or she did something wrong. This is GOOD!!! This is the reason why we planned for me to stay home. Yes, our kids need us when they are little, but then they grow up, and guess what, those teenagers really NEED US!!! I believe the most important age to be there for your kids is when they are teenagers! When they come home from school, they can get into so much trouble if mom or dad aren't home. Know your kids friends, who they hang out with...invite those kids into your home. I want my kids here where I can watch them, and be involved....believe me, I give Becca space, but I'm always close by to check and see if all is ok. Anyway, enough about that!

Davey on other hand won't leave me alone. I know, I know enjoy it all now. Believe me I do. My little boy is so full of life, he is such a BOY!!! He loves playing with me in the pool, helps me water at night. Loves putting his Batman or Spiderman outfit on, and runs around saving people.....and just loves running after the bunnies, turtles, or snakes in our yard....yep, we have all that here!!!! Last night we had 2 turtles in our yard...then we saw a snake. The kids were so excited. Becca was afraid the snake would eat the turtle...could that happen with its hard shell? Not sure...but she was so protective over the turtles. Becca wants to be a vet when she's older. We encourage her! She is in high math now for the past 4 years - believe me, I can't help her with math anymore! She's been on the high honor roll now this whole year at school. She really enjoys school and her classes....she loves animals, we use to call her "Dora the Explorer!" I still love seeing that little child in her caring over animals, like last night with the turtles. I know the Lord will bless Becca, and she will grow into a lovely young lady - it will happen very soon, life goes past us so fast. Pray for your kids everyday. Our Lord hears our crys and prayers. He will bless Becca and Davey, and He will bless your children as well.....and calm my mothering heart!

Summer is finally here!

Well I'm back. It's been a tough 6 weeks for me. With my Dad's accident, and now his death. Didn't think I would take it all so hard. But it has completely ROCKED MY WORLD!!! Life here is getting pretty much back to normal. I think about my Daddy so much. What he would be doing now. I went back to his old house - the one they left to move to PA. It was so sad going there, seeing the chair he use to sit in...the house still smells like Dad's aftershave. I have never lost anyone so close to me....and this has been very hard on me. My mom seems to be doing well. She's keeping herself very busy at the new house in PA, gardening, and decorating the house. I asked her if she likes living there, and she said she "loves living here!" I was relieved! She is going to my sister's church, and doing stuff with them. She needs that. Olivia, my sister's 14 year old daughter mows Mom's lawn, and then goes into Mom's house for snacks...Mom loves that!!!!

So, anyway, getting back to normal has been good. We opened our pool last week. What a problem it was this year! I took the cover off, couldn't wait for my hubby this year, and 1/4 of the water was gone. We didn't have a leak, but the skimmer was cracked, so a lot of the water leaked through that. Then we had this terrible algae problem. It took me so many shock treatments, not to mention ALOT OF MONEY, to finally get a chlorine reading! I put my heart and soul into this pool, we love our pool, we got it 2 years ago - and we spend all our time in there when it's hot, like it is today. But I tell you, last week I wanted to burn that pool down!!! Well the pool is beautiful now. We had our friends over yesterday for a bar-b-que - and the kids swam, and had such a great time. I prayed about the pool, asked the Lord for wisdom, and of course my Lord even cares about the "little stuff" and answered my prayer - all is well. So, today is hot and we'll swim in the afternoon.

I just came in from gardening. I love to garden, and I do think I'm good at it, I take after my father, he was a good gardener too! So, all the flowers are in, and the baskets are hanging, and the pots are full with blooming, beautiful flowers. My deck is loaded with pots, and looks so pretty. We planted a veggie garden this year too, lettuce, cucs, onions, tomatoes, zucchini, and peppers. We have those terrible gypsy moths this year. They are eating at our trees in the back, munching on all the leaves, and the chewed up leaves are falling on my deck. I hate it cause then I have to sweep all the time...hate any kind of debris on my deck. And of course they fall into the pool too, so more cleaning for me! But I'm ready for Summer...we love summer. The kids will be out of school in 2 weeks....Becca will be going into 7th grade, and Davey will be promoted to his second year in preschool..they are growing so fast, and I do get sad about that. So, happy Summer, just wish my Dad was here, sitting on the deck swing, petting my dog Perdie, and annoying me...oh how I wish my Dad was here annoying me today!

"I Can Only Imagine"

About 2 months ago I was in church and there was a special song "I Can Only Imagine" You know the song..."I can only imagine.....will I dance before you Jesus, or in Awe of you be still"...there was a video with it, of a man in a nursing home, in a wheelchair, not being able to walk, remembering his wife, holding his picture to his heart. Well during that wonderful song, I broke down hard, crying in church, very emotional...I don't always break down like that, but that day, I did. The video ended with the man dying, and going home to heaven, seeing his wife again, and standing up praising GOD!!! The song reminded me of my Dad. At that time Dad was OK, but he was ailing. It was about 2 weeks before Dad's accident. I think the Lord was prompting my heart for what was to come. And just like the song, in my Dad's last days, he was in a nursing home, in a wheelchair, not able to walk. I feel like I've become very "in tune" with the Lord over these past weeks. With my Dad's accident, I've been crying out to the Lord, asking for wisdom, and help for Dad, and especially Mom. I feel the Lord allowed this accident to happen so we (my brother, sister, mom, my hubby) would "love on" Dad so much. The past couple of years have been very hard for us. Dad hasn't been the same man, and he has changed. His health has gone down hill, and his attitude as well....not to mention all of ours, we were all so frustrated with Dad. He was sick, and didn't want any help. So, during Dad's time in the hospital, I've been by his bedside, loving on him, praying with him, encouraging him, reading scripture, kissing his face. Doing all the things I was suppose to be doing, when Dad was OK. And I had 3 full weeks with Dad, telling him how much I loved him, showing all MY appreciation towards him....just loving on him. The day before Dad died, he told my mother, brother, and sister that he was dying.....of course they wouldn't believe him, he was really doing good. I didn't go to the nursing home that day...the next day I went, and Dad NEVER told me he was dying. I told him I loved him when I saw him, and he told me I was "so sweet". I'm grateful Dad never told me he was "dying".....I really think he knew he would hurt his "baby's" heart......he remember how I would just cry at his bedside. Just before Dad died, he told us all that he loved us. Then he was gone. Dad died, and now he is dancing before my Lord - I do believe MY DAD IS DANCING BEFORE THE LORD!!!!

My Daddy Died

Well, it's been a while....long while since I've written. The past month has been a very hard one for me, and my family. My daddy fell down the cellar stairs, in his new home. Mom heard the whole thing, went running to see him laying there, eyes open at the bottom of the stairs. She thought Dad was dead, but he was ALIVE! So, Dad has been in ICU at Leigh High Valley Cedar Crest for the past 3 weeks. He was hurt - 8 broken ribs, fractured vertebrae in his neck, a head bleed...but he was alive. So, we thought the worse was over......Dad couldn't breath, so a ventilator was put down his throat for 5 days. Just seeing him laying there with tubes down his throat was awful for me, and awful for Dad! I cried at his bedside so much....telling him I love him, and Dad would then squeeze my hand. He was doing great, so the ventilator came off. I sang to him, prayed with him....oh how I love my Daddy so! So, then Dad was doing so good he was transferred to a nursing home/rehab here in NJ. He was doing so good, starting taking steps, talking, eating on his own...we were so hopeful. I went to the nursing home this past Monday, and Dad wasn't doing well. He was in so much pain...crying out in pain. The nurse was a dizzy old lady, not wanting to help him. I was confused and worried over him, crying all day long....asking the Lord for wisdom. Dad went to therapy, he came back a different man.....humming with his hands clenched, he wasn't there. I asked what happened to him, no one said anything. We had to get him out of there, no one would help us, they only said Dad was sleeping!!! No doctor came in. We rushed him to the ER, and all the tests came back fine...no heart attack, no stroke, head bleed was still healed, but his pneumonia was still there, but it would be treated, and all would be okay. We went to dinner, Dad was fine. Came back, he was up, talking, trying to get that monitor off his finger, his eyes were open for the first time all day! we told him we loved him. Lois left, mom and me stayed. I was just about to leave, said my good bye and see you tomorrow, Mom was going to leave too, then Dad had a seizure. Then he had 5 more of them!!!! He was in grave condition, but still I didn't think he was going to DIE!! The curtain to his ER room was closed, we were out talking to the doctor. I went in to see Dad, and his blood pressure was so low, hardly breathing. I asked the nurse if he was OK, she said, "he's going!" WHAT? Mom came in and started weeping, I was weeping. The nurses told us to talk to him, that he still could hear us. We told him we loved him, and then I got right in front of his face and told my Dad that it was okay to go, go be with Jesus, Uncle Fred, Uncle Clarence, Aunt Frances, Bro. Hock, Grandma and Grandpa...what a smile he had...so peaceful. What a moment I had with my Dad. I was always the baby of the family...felt like Dad treated me still like a five year old. His baby was with him when he died....encouraging him to go, and be with Jesus, that everything here will be fine, that I will take care of Mom, and that I loved him, and that he was the best daddy in the whole world. Daddy died on Monday night, 9:15pm. I love him so....and I will miss him forever.

You'll miss me when I'm gone!

Hi, just to let you all know, we're going on vacation! Traveling to PA to stay with my sister, first...my parents moved today, they were 10 minutes from me, now only 1 minute from my sister. Anyway, we go there tomorrow, to help my parents get settled, and unpack....then stay over with my sister and family, thank you Lois - then on Weds we leave for Lancaster, PA. We stay at this great, but expensive resort - Willow Valley......the price there has gone up drastically! But the place is so nice, we've been going now for the past 19 years. I'm spoiled cause when we go to Lancaster, I only want to stay at WV! I'm looking forward to getting away...life here has been so crazy for us. The dog, Perdie is vacationing at my in laws. (thank you Mom and Dad S.) house since Sat....what a delight it's been without her! She's such a good dog, but a real pain in the butt....she thinks she's one of the kids, and can be very hyper......would love to give her away, but Becca and Davey wouldn't hear it. My hubby would love to give her away too......only in our dreams...gotta keep the kids happy.....it's all about the kids in this house, when did that ever happen...that never was the case when I was a little girl. Anyway, don't want to bore you with all that junk.
So, I will miss my loyal readers....I'm sure I'll have lots of pictures and stories to tell you when I'm back......Till next time, Liz

I'm back - remember me?

Ok, so I haven't been writing much. So sorry, but you all have to remember I am a mother, with a very busy life here. Today is the first day of Spring Recess, yippee!!! I got to sleep in a little.....and I didn't have to run around the house getting the kids up, and ready for school...what a joy my morning has been already! My hubby had to work today, day work that is.....he left by 4am, and won't be home until very much later in the day. I'm very happy to have the day off, and not run anywhere. My hubby hit a deer the other night while going to work. His car was damaged! Hubby is fine, thank God, but his car isn't usable now, and guess what...he's taking MY SUV (aka the gas guzzler) to work now....and I'm stuck with no car. It's fine really, could use the time at home getting stuff done. Hopefully hubby's car will be fixed by next week......or so. Going back many years ago, I never had a car. Back when Becca was born, we only had one car. It was hard, not getting to go here and there. But now that I think about it, not having a car was really ok. I would NEVER want to go back without a car. I think with having my own car, I tend to spend more money, and I am busier. Back then stuff in the house got done faster, the house was always cleaner...the laundry was always done....not like today, piling up! But I'm thankful for my gas guzzler.....the price of gas is crazy.....what are we all going to do????

Anyway, I changed my clothes around from winter to spring/summer. What a job....I didn't just do mine, hubby's and the kids, too - I do enjoy my winter clothes much better than summer. Covers me up more, I love wearing jeans, and sweaters! So now when the weather gets warmer, it will be Capri's and tee's for me.....don't really wear shorts out of the house......your not missing much! HA!!!

So, the weather here has been beautiful for the past couple of days. The kids loved playing outside, and we cleaned up the yard....the grass looks awful. So many bald spots....so my hubby reseeded some spots, and put hay down....now we have hay everywhere....can be very frustrating for me... I just raked all the leaves and now there's hay everywhere. But, I'm just not letting it get to me - see how long that lasts!

What about American Idol.....I still love David Cook...he was so good this week. I think the other "Cook" girl needed to go - and I'm glad she did. Honestly, I do think this years Idol is boring......the only interesting person is David Cook! He'll win, I know it.

So, our MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) is coming to an end. I will miss it so. We end for summer, and start up again in the fall. We had a beautiful MOPPETS (people who take care of our kids at MOPS) luncheon this past Friday - we wanted to say how much we appreciated the care-givers of our kids. So much food, but it was so nice......heartwarming. I'm starting a new adventure at MOPS - I will be the coordinator of the MOPPETS - it will be a challenging new area in my life....I'm excited - I think!

I really need to run and get started with my day....it's 9am already, and I haven't even had breakfast...I'm starving! I hope to talk to you all later in the week...thanks for reading my blog. Till next time....Liz

p.s. No mice lately......hopefully they're gone for good? Pongo's been sleeping with me - that's a good sign.

I'm A Blonde again - American Idol

I got my hair colored today....finally. The gray was so bad. I usually get my hair colored brown, and then get the blond highlights using the cap about every 3 months or so...it does come out nice. But this time, the gray came in way too much. So, my friend Donna came over, (she does my hair really good and professional) and we made a nice morning of it. I made lunch for us....bacon and cheese quiche with my oriental salad. Donna brought fruit, since I'm dieting....going well, I might add. So the morning went well. Davey played so nice, but he had to show Donna every toy he owned......Donna loves Davey, knew him ever since he was a tiny baby. Our girls play together all the time, she's a great friend. So, the hair came out good......a little bright, but hey you have to go brighter when you get older - so I've heard - and I'm getting older. Davey got a haircut - he looks so cute... my "little man".

Pongo (the cat) slept with me last night, so no dead mice around, thank God!!! I was worried about it. Wasn't it a shocker who got voted out from American Idol? Didn't he look like he was in total shock? I was sorry for the guy, but really didn't care for him, can't even remember his name. Rebecca knows all the names, first and last. I only know who I like, David Cook, and he better pick a better song next week.....And they all sang "Shout to the Lord!" Wasn't that awesome! Well, it was inspirational week anyway....that's why they picked that song. Made me emotional....I do love that song.

Not much going on for this weekend which is fine with me - sometimes we just need time to sit and vegg....last weekend it was too busy - maybe I'll post some recipes. Until next time....Liz

Recipes - Faux Crab Cakes

This is a delicious recipe for Crab Cakes, but you don't use crabmeat. It's kind of a "poor mans" recipe for Crab Cakes. They are easy, and delicious. I make them for lunch when my hubby is home.....serve them over a salad - even use as a sandwich! Enjoy!

Faux Crab Cakes
2 cans white tuna in water
1 egg beaten
1/4 cup mayo (you can use light)
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. oregano
lemon juice to taste, fresh or bottled
salt and pepper to taste
oil for frying pan

In a skillet on medium to high - heat about 2 -3 tablespoons of oil (canola). Mix all the ingredients together. Form into patties, should make 6 and fry until crispy turning only once for about 6 -8 minutes or so - they may fall apart so don't turn them right away...you want them crispy. Drain on paper towels.